Posted by: Jezzi on Friday, October 11, 2002 - 12:13 AM
Once again, the wizard cautions, "Read the label!"
SRU: Bimbo Bread
by Jezzi Belle Stewart
©2002 Turn Right Productions
Ellie Dauberowski sat for a moment in her '84 Yugo in the parking lot of Round Lake's only 7-11 convenience store repairing her face. She had started to cry almost immediately after leaving the parking lot of the detective agency and finally decided to pull in and park before she became a hazard to others on the road. That was Ellie: kind, considerate, model wife and mother Ellie; "Good Old Ellie" her friends called her, even though she was only twenty-five. Need some help? Good Old Ellie would drop what she was doing and help you out. The consensus of the neighborhood was that Ellie was a saint - and that her husband, Rob, was a skirt chasing misogynist boar who took Ellie for granted.
Elli had just found out - long after everyone else knew it - that they were right. Rob was having an affair, far from his first. This time it was with Bobbi, the big blonde, big boobed, big butted, bimbo beautician who worked in the beauty salon next to Rob's current construction site. (Ellie, an English Lit major before she dropped out of college so Rob could get his degree, had a thing for alliteration.) At least Rob thought Bobbi was a bimbo. She had turned out not to be, which is why she had contacted Ellie and made the date. Rob was not the sharpest tack in the box, and Bobbi had noticed the quarter inch wide band of white skin on his third finger, left hand when she finally saw him without his construction gloves on while washing his hands. (Rob made love to Bobbi wearing his construction gloves, hard hat, and tool belt. He had a thing - though not THAT thing - for the Village People, something Ellie would never understand.) It was Bobbi who had contacted Gil "Gotcha" Garambo, groovy but gung-ho gumshoe. When his report was ready, she had called Ellie, calmly introduced herself as Rob's EX - emphasis on EX - mistress, and invited Ellie to meet with her and "Gotcha".
"Gotcha" looked like something out of a Mickey Spillane novel, a look he cultivated, Bobbi, dressed for work in a pink smock looked as described above, it was what her customers expected, and Ellie? Ah, what of Ellie? Ellie looked and acted like a TV sitcom mom from the '50's, just like Rob liked her to look, pretty in her shirtwaist that revealed no cleavage and came to just below the knees, but not TOO pretty, smart, but not TOO smart, and sweetly slightly sexy sentimental submissive. Ah, what was to become of Ellie?
That, along with *That son-of-a-bitch!* were the thoughts running through Ellie's mind as she sat in the Yugo (Rob drove a Mercedes) powdering her nose and repairing the tear damage. Finding no ready-to-hand answer, she fell back on habit. She needed bread and lunch meat and treats to fix Rob's lunch for the next four days. Getting out of the car, she looked to see that her seams were straight ('50's look, right?). When she glanced back up, the 7-11 was gone and in it's place was a little shop that looked like it had hopped right out of the latest Harry Potter book. The sign over the wooden door read "Spells 'R Us". *Curiouser and curiouser!* thought Ellie, our little Alice, who, still needing bread, prepared to walk through her version of the looking glass.
Once inside, she marveled at the wide variety of what Rob would call "junk" that crowded the shelves. Her eyes lit up as she spied racks and racks of old books. "A book is not what you need today, Ellie," said a voice behind her, "although it is an impressive collection, is it not?"
Ellie turned around to see an old man in a robe. "Oh, you must be a wizard." she said. "You look a lot like the headmaster in the Harry Potter movie."
The wizard was impressed. No "How do you know my name?" or any of the other usual questions. He gave her a questioning look.
"English Lit major" she explained.
The Wizard nodded, as if that was all the explanation he needed, and decided he would get right to the point. "I understand you need a loaf of bread and some lunch meat to make sandwiches for your errant husband's lunch?" he asked.
"Yes," sniffed Ellie "although he doesn't deserve them. Always wanting me to do "things" and then when I won't give in to his pleading for pleasingly pleasant but perverse pleasures he promptly passes to prettier pastures! The cheating BASTARD!" Ellie was a good girl, had been a virgin at their marriage, and while having no background to close her eyes and think of England, did think fondly of her girlhood home of Boise, and, interestingly, of her German Shepherd, Puck.
The wizard put aside thoughts of forcibly reforming English Lit programs in the nation's universities. He knew that Ellie almost never raised her voice, let alone swore, so he knew she was very, very angry at Rob. "Oh, he deserves the sandwiches you'll make using this bread!" he said, and he produced a loaf of sliced white bread in a plastic bag with the brand name "Bimbo Bread" on it and the picture logo of a bunny. Today is Monday, just use it for the rest of the week. To get the best results, find a way to get him to make his own sandwiches." He held up his hand in an attention getting gesture. "Now this is important. You must tell him to read and follow the directions on the package. Nothing will happen if you don't. Do you understand?"
Ellie nodded. She knew The Wizard had something planned for Rob, but frankly, she was not feeling kindly toward Rob, or men in general, at that moment. She paid him the $1.49 stamped on the package, and flipped the penny from change into the little dish on the counter.
The Wizard handed her the bread and a bag with lunch meat in it. "The meat is just regular sliced beef," he said. "Yours free today. What's put in between the bread isn't important; just make sure he uses this bread."
Ellie thanked The Wizard and was about to leave the shop when he stopped her to give her a last piece of advice. "You might want to call Bobbi and tell her to expect some changes from Rob tomorrow when he visits her during his afternoon break. I know she was going to reveal my friend 'Gotcha's' findings and tell him to take a hike, but tell her she should just go with the flow." Ellie nodded; it made sense. She left the store, and when she reached the Yugo and turned, the 7-11 was back.
That night, as she was flat on her back, just as she felt Rob a few seconds away from deflowering her for the 527th time, she pushed Boise and Puck aside and said matter-of-factly, "I forgot to make your sandwich; you'll have to do it in the morning. Be sure to read the directions on the bread." Rob grunted, but his mind was between his legs at that moment as the freight train of his love was about to hurtle into the tunnel of delight.
[Disclaimer: the author is functioning here as all seeing reporter and takes no responsibility for Rob's sexual imagery. She hereby also apologizes to all English Lit majors, fans of the Village People, German Shepherd fanciers, citizens of Boise, buxom blonde beauticians, frigid housewives, and to the people who make the real Bimbo Bread.]
The next morning, Ellie stayed in bed, pleading a headache, till after Rob had left. When she finally arose and went down to the kitchen, she found the bread, sliced roast beef, and mayonnaise all open. She picked up the bread and read the directions on the package. They were in very small print. "Bimbo bread is designed to be a delicious meal all by itself and should not be eaten in contact with any other food product or products. The results of doing so may be in body and mind modifications not necessarily to the consumer's liking." She smiled. Taking Bobbi's business card from her purse (T & A Beauty Salon: We make you gorgeous top to bottom.) She went to the phone and dialed her number. She couldn't wait till Rob got home.
At lunch, Rob couldn't believe how good his sandwich tasted.
Right at 2:30, Bobbi watched as Rob came through the door of the salon as usual. That was the last normal thing that happened. Rob was NOT wearing his tool belt, hard hat or gloves. He glided over to Bobbi. Glided was the only word Bobbi felt fit. Then, instead of the the usual butt and boob grope, he kissed her lightly on the cheek, complimented her on her hair and the blending of her eye shadow and said, "You MUST help me with this hair, darling! The color is wrong. The cut is wrong. It's a disaster! I didn't notice till after lunch; I can't believe I went the whole morning like this!" The whole time he (?) was speaking his (?) hands were fluttering around his head. All of a sudden he (?) noticed his (?) nails and looked shocked. "OH...MY...GAWD! My nails, too!" He put his (?) hands on his (?) hips. "You, darling are my personal body stylist as well as my dear girlfriend, how could you let me get this way. You must DO something! It's a good thing I told Gregie I was taking the rest of the afternoon off."
Having been prepped by Ellie's call to expect something unusual, Bobbi was able to get herself under control by the time Rob's tirade was through. *Unusual isn't the half of it!* she thought. Then, *This is going to be FUN!* She grabbed her new whateverfriend and turned herm toward the nearest chair. "Of course, darling. let's just see what we have to work with."
Two hours later, after hugs and air kisses, Bobbi watched Robbie, not Rob anymore, leave the shop. There had been no sex, but lots of fun girl talk. All in all, Bobbi had to admit while sex with Rob had been exciting - she loved the tool belt - the afternoon with the new Rob, Robbie, had been better. Having been told by Ellie that what was going to happen was a several days process, she had forced herself not to go overboard, but Ellie was certainly in for a surprise!
"Darling, I'm home! And I brought dinner." Ellie was a bit startled, it was her husband's voice, but it wasn't; higher in pitch, and he NEVER called her darling. She was lucky to get a "Hey, babe, bring me a brewski!", as he plopped into his recliner. And he never brought dinner; dinner, and anything that wasn't work, was Ellie's department. Fortunately, knowing there would be changes, she had not prepared anything.
If the voice was startling, she was definitely not prepared for the vision that glided into the room. Where as Rob had left that morning a hard muscled, , beard stubbled, torn jeans and flannel shirt wearing, short haired MAN, the vision that entered the Dauberowski kitchen was slim and graceful - svelte was the word, really, clear faced, and androgynous at best. The exceptions were hands and hair. His (?) hands were manicured, and, while Bobbi had used only clear polish (*Wait till tomorrow!*, she'd thought) they were definitely no longer masculine, carpenter's hands. The hair! Rob's hair had been fairly short and a mousey brown; Robbie's hair was a vibrant auburn. held in a ponytail at the nape of his neck like a man would, there still could be no doubt that this was WOMEN'S hair, big hair, down to the small of his (?) back. *Why he's (?) got a veritable cascading cornucopia of convoluted copper curls!* thought Ellie, and wondered how it would look unbound. "Rob...???"
"It's Robbie, darling. Why Rob all of a sudden? Rob is so...so, common!" He (?) struck a pose, and Ellie burst out laughing, as did he (?). Ellie couldn't remember the last time they had laughed together. It was clear to her that Rob - *No, Robbie now.* she reminded herself. - had no idea he'd (?) been any different this morning.
As he (?) turned and put the bag from Le Gardinia restaurant, a restaurant Rob would not have set foot in, down on the counter, Ellie complimented him (?) on his (?) hair. "Isn't it gorgeous!" he (?) enthused over his (?) shoulder. "I can't imagine why I haven't let Bobbi color it before. We had such a lovely chat while she was working on it today, and I'm to go back tomorrow for a 'surprise'. You must meet her soon, Ellie; I'm sure you two will be friends. Why don't you have a sit, dear, while I get our caesar salads ready and then we'll tell each other about our day as we eat."
*Dinner, us, together? No TV football punctuated by grunts for more beer?* She looked at what he (?) had taken from the bag; wine! *No beer at all!* Ellie hated the smell of beer. *Damn!* but a happy "damn". She wasn't going to upset this apple cart! She'd gladly trade some hard muscles for no beer smell and a husband who brought home dinner even if he looked like a sissy! Romance was in the air!
The dinner and conversation were wonderful, and the romance turned to necking. And necking turned to petting. And petting turned to sex - gentle, non penetrating, equally pleasuring sex ... And Ellie didn't think of Boise or Puck once. ... Well, maybe once; it was still day one, after all. She was very sure to remind Robbie to make his sandwich in the morning, and he (?) did.
[Author note: Are you appreciating the author's experiment in punctuation alliteration , ie. (?) ? Thank you. However, I'm afraid all good things must come to an end. As you will see, at the end of day two (?) will no longer be necessary.]
Promptly at 2:30, the door opened. "I'm ready for my surprise!" sang Robbie.
"Surprises, dear." Bobbi smiled happily. She couldn't wait to get her hands on hi ... oh, hell, her! [See, no need for (?) anymore. Goodbye old friend.]
Ellie had called Bobbi to tell her to tell Robbie not to bring dinner home, that it was her turn. It was while Robbie was there, and Ellie asked how HE was doing. Bobbi told her she might want to rethink her pronoun usage.
Ellie had to admit that Bobbi was right. Her hubby certainly seemed to have become her she-hubby. That night Robbie was still wearing jeans and a flannel shirt, but they were Chic jeans on top of open toed 2" heeled sandals, and the tails of the flannel shirt were tied up under an apparent what-Ellie-couldn't-wait-to-find-out-if-it-really-was small bosom. The front of the jeans sure looked really flat! Robbie was still wearing her tool belt, but Ellie couldn't help wondering if she should sew garters to it. *She's a young girl growing gradually and gladly gorgeous and graceful* she thought giddily. ... and giggled.
Other than the clothes, the look hadn't changed much, except that both Robbie's finger and toe nails were now very RED. "Cherry Tomato Red!" her new girlfriend informed her. "Isn't it scrumptious!?" Later that night, before bed, Robbie did Ellie's nails the same shade, and Ellie showed her how to apply the matching lipstick Bobbi had sent home. The two cuddled in bed and watched "Sleepless in Seattle" on the VCR before sleep overtook them.
Well, sleep overtook one of them. Ellie was troubled. Oh, not about the transformation; she loved her new hubby-girlfriend. She was so much nicer to live with than smelly old clueless Rob. She supposed she had loved Rob, but she knew she LOVED Robbie. The problem was sex. They had cuddled, and stroked, but when Robbie had tried to suck and lap, she had pulled back. Against the background of the house in Boise, she could see her stern mother and father mouthing what she was sure was yet another "Nice girls don't" lecture. On the other hand, Puck, sitting on his haunches beside them with his long, glistening tongue hanging out, winked at her. Why did she feel as if she was about to wet her bed? Sleep caught her before the answer did.
It was day three, and the Bimbo Bread bag was almost empty.
It was 2:30, but this time the door of the T & A Salon burst open and an angry Robbie slammed it behind her. It was clear to Bobbie that she'd been crying. "What's the matter, sweetie?" She gave her friend a hug.
"I was fired!" Robbie wailed. "That Greg is such a Neanderthal! Just because I dropped the hammer on his head when I broke a nail," She held up her left hand with the nail of the index finger clearly decapitated to show what kind of nail she meant. "and just because I was having trouble lifting a 2x4 and it swung and knocked Jose into the nail bucket and Greg had to call the paramedics, he told me I couldn't be a carpenter anymore." She was bawling by now. "He...he...he said I was Larry, Moe, and Curly all rolled into one! What am I gonna do? I can't go home and tell Ellie I lost my j..j..job!"
Bobbi just kept patting Robbie on the back. She could Feel Robbie's breasts pressing against hers. *Must be a C cup by now,* she thought, *my size.* She pushed her friend away a bit and was shocked at just how much Robbie looked like her. *If I fixed her up, we could be twins with different colored hair.* her thoughts continued. *That's what I'll do!* "Come on, honey." She pulled Robbie once more toward The Chair. "Momma Bobbie will pamper you with The Works and that'll make you feel alllllll better. Ellie will just eat you up!" She was feeling a little wet "down there" herself.
By the end of the afternoon, the only difference between Robbie and Bobbi WAS hair color. Robbie's copper mane contrasted nicely with Bobbi's blonde, but both heads sported the same big hair style. Make up, outfits, and accessories were the same, though different colors. There was certainly no doubt that Robbie was all girl now. She even went home with a new job to start on Monday. She was going to be the new shampoo girl at the T & A Salon, and Bobbi would help her to become a hair stylist and cosmetologist just like her. Life was good!
On the way home, something made her turn her cute VW Beetle [Quick, what kind of car did Rob drive?] into the parking lot of the 7-11 ... which wasn't there. This didn't seem to phase her, and she left for home with three more loaves of Bimbo Bread, half-off this time because it was several days old. Robbie didn't mind; sandwiches were not in her plans.
Ellie was amazed and pleased with Robbie's new look, and she also noted the resemblance to Bobbi. She didn't mind the job change even though it meant less money. *I just know my curvaceous cutie will be able to comb, curl, and color creatively with the best of them before very long!* she thought. They made gentle love again that night, but Ellie still couldn't get past the real sex thing. *Blast the bondage of my basically bland Boise background!* she swore mentally.
The next day was Friday. Robbie told Ellie that morning that she was aware of all that had happened to Rob and didn't care. "Being a girl is such fun," she told her, "and I do believe you and I are getting along much better than you and Rob ever did." She went on to assure her that she still had a lot of Rob in her - "The good things, darling; the things you married him for." She didn't think the time was right to tell Ellie that she still had Rob's desires for wild sex, although as a lesbian. Tonight, after dinner, she thought.
Ellie prayed silent thanks to God, The Wizard, and the makers of Bimbo Bread.
It was Ellie's day to visit her mother at the nursing home. Robbie told Ellie that she didn't think it would be a good idea for her to go along. While there was virtually no chance that the old lady would recognize Robbie as Rob, why take the chance. Mother Dauberowski had never liked Rob, and Ellie would just tell her that she had finally seen the light and kicked him out. (Ellie and Rob had met because of their same last names. It seemed like fate; like her heroine, Eleanor Roosevelt, she wouldn't have to change her stationary.) Besides, Robbie said, she wanted to stay home and fix dinner for her. "I'm going to tantalize you with a totally tasty taste bud tempting turkey tonight." she gently teased her. She had noticed her life partner's penchant for alliteration, something Rob had never done. They both had a giggle fit.
The dinner was delicious. Robbie didn't tell Ellie that the dressing was made with a whole loaf of Bimbo Bread; she figured Ellie'd realize that fairly soon. She told her that she'd invited Bobbi for dinner, but that Bobbi had late appointments and would join them for after dinner drinks. She didn't tell her that the real reason Bobbi didn't come for dinner was that Bobbi didn't need any Bimbo Bread dressing. Robbie had looked in the mirror at her C cups, longed for D cups, and felt another helping was just the thing for her.
Bobbi arrived and the wine flowed. Soon Bobbi and Robbie were in just their garter belts and hose . Robbie's hose were held up by her tool belt garter belt, made with love for her by Ellie just the other day, and Bobbi had decided to be the cowboy with a six-gun belt garter belt. Robbie was wearing Rob's construction job hard hat and Bobbi had a pink Cowboy hat acquired last Halloween for the salon's costume party. *Damn!* thought Bobbi jealously as she glimpsed Robbie's new D cups for the first time, *HIS are bigger than mine!* And that was the last time any form of "his" ever entered her mind in regard to her good girlfriend and soon-to-be lover, Robbie.
Oh, yes. Lovers. Robbie and Bobbie had taken off their panties because they were sopping wet! But what of Ellie?, you ask. Poor Ellie's panties were sopping too, but she was still fully dressed, locked into the vision of the Boise home and stern parents delivering the "Good girls don't..." lecture. Sweat was pouring off her forehead as the effects of the Bimbo Bread and her love and desire for Robbie and Bobbi warred within her mind with her frigid Boise cultural conditioning. Robbie and Bobbi guessed what was happening, hurt for their friend, but knew they'd done all they could do. They sat on either side of her and hugged her.
What could she do?! She had NEVER crossed her parents, ALWAYS been a good girl. What could she DO!? Then she looked at Puck of the glistening tongue; he winked at her again, and she Knew! SHE KNEW! *SIC 'EM!* she shouted and pointed at her parents. Puck leaped forward barking ferociously and her parents, with shocked expressions on their faces, turned and began to run. As they ran into the distance, the Boise house began to fade. When it vanished, Puck turned to her. Looking to her like a doggy version of The Wizard, he winked at her one last time before he, too, vanished. SHE WAS FREE! Robbie and Bobbi couldn't tell exactly what she was thinking, but they could guess from the totally sexual and lascivious expression that appeared on her face. What she was thinking was *I'm gonna be a BAD girl!* And this is when the expression appeared on her face, *And when I'm BAD, I'm gonna be VERY, VERY GOOD!*
Ellie leaped up from the couch and literally tore everything but her hose off her body. Her mind had opened, and her body began to change. Robbie and Bobbi had foreseen and prepared for this. They had guessed, and guessed right by the expression on their new lover's face, as she recognized what they handed her - a black leather cap and a studded black leather garter belt, both with the Harley-Davidson logo. Just right for a BAD girl, a bad girl with jet black big hair who otherwise looked just like her blonde and redheaded lovers. Three bimbos!
[Your modest and demure author has censored the wild sex scene that follows. Use your imaginations.]
Six months later The Wizard swung by Round Lake again. He sometimes liked to make follow up visits to see how his schemes had worked out. As he looked in his scrying glass, he was glad he had sold Ellie and Robbie the Bimbo Bread without the bimbo mentality ingredient. Robbie had used her extra two loaves well:
The T & A Salon had expanded to become a full service salon for the transgendered, and Sherri, one of the new bimbos, as well as Robbie now worked there with Bobbi. Sherri was the soldier with platinum blonde big hair, a red sequin grenade garter belt, and a red sequin helmet with a white feather boa tail hanging from it.
Ellie had become the resident dominatrix and motorcycle repair woman. 'Nuff said.
Carrie, another new bimbo, had become the indian. She had jet black hair like Ellie's, but she had agreed to keep it in braids, a style Ellie would never use. She wore a war bonnet and had a garter belt she swore was made from "the scalps of the white eyes." Hers was the only hairdo that was not bimbo big hair, which was only right, as it set her apart as the lead singer of The Village Bimbos Their first album was due out next month on - surprise! - The Wizard label.
Both Sherri and Carrie had been Chicago girls originally, so very little Bimbo Bread had been needed to turn them.
The strangest story was that of the Wizard's old friend who was now Gillie - Gillie Garambo, who the others referred to privately as the "HotchaGotcha Girl". "Gotcha" had gotten curious about his client Ellie's husband's mysterious disappearance. He feared foul play. When he confronted Ellie, she had not hesitated to tell him the truth, knowing he would believe her since he knew The Wizard. "Gotcha" confessed to Ellie that he was a closet transsexual. He asked if she had anymore of the Bimbo Bread because he would like to join their group. Fortunately Robbie had told Ellie about the extra bread. Gillie, of course, became the policewoman with a policewoman's hat perched upon convention defying bib purple bimbo hair. A purple nightstick hung from her policewoman's garter belt, and she worked with Ellie.
The Wizard sighed with satisfaction. He loved it when a plan came together. * A scintillating sextet of sexily scrumptious successful songstresses* he thought, and then, *Oh, lord, it's contagious!*
PS - If you like light detective fiction and you like blonde bimbo beauticians who aren't as dumb as they look, I highly reccomend "Bubbles Unbound" and "Bubbles in Trouble" by Sarah Strohmeyer. These are not TG, but they are fun to read for any TG. They can be found at any major bookstore.
[ed.note. Bimbo Bread is a real brand here in SoCal, it's pronounced "Beem boh" and is Spanish (and Italian) slang for 'baby', usually a boy baby, since it ends in 'o'. I believe the company was originally founded in Mexico. -- Erin]
Note: TG, SRU, Bimbo, hair salon