Chapter 6 - Change of Heart|
It appears I am destined for something; I will live.
Robert Clive (1725-74)
Tina knocked on the door to Jennifer's suite, opened it for me, and I went in alone to see Aunt Jen. She was in her sitting room near the windows, slouched in a ladies armchair. Several lamps and track lights were on, but the bright early morning sunlight streaming in deepened the shadows, the double doors to her bedroom were open and I could see her bed was unmade. I don't really know what I expected her to say, but a matter of fact "Put the tray down over there." wasn't it.
I put the tray down on a table several feet from her and waited. While I was bringing up the tray I though of what I should say, and I had what I hoped was a good idea, but the ball was in her court now.
Then she looked at me carefully, "Is this some kind of a not so funny joke?"
The real Becky called her Jennifer, and I always called her Aunt Jen, "No Jennifer, its an attempt to salvage both our lives." I said seriously.
"Both our lives?"
"Yes, I really need you. I'm easily just as depressed as you are." I walked into her bedroom and opened her night table draw and took the gun out saying, "I've thought about this too, and if you were gone, well I just don't know."
"That isn't here for that, I was worried about burglars."
I just looked at her for a full minute, I hoped just like Becky looked at me when I tried to pull a fast one on her. Finally, Jennifer said, "I shouldn't lie to you either, should I?"
"I don't think we can successfully lie to each other."
"Why are you dressed like this?"
"Seeing Becky in the mirror gives me hope and relives my despondency over loosing her and Dad. If you let me I can fill a void in your life too, it was quite clear yesterday Nicholas couldn't."
That exaggerated the case for me, as I was handling my grief pretty well, and while I did enjoy seeing Becky in the mirror - especially after the joy of last night's visit - I had been getting along just fine without dressing like her.
"I'm sorry I gave you that impression dear." She looked like she wanted to say something, so I waited for her to complete her thought, after a good minute she continued, "but you're probably right. You look amazingly like Becky, come closer, and let me see you.
I put the gun away, laughing like Becky would, and I twirled toward her ending up in front of her curtseying. I held it until she said, "Amazing, the resemblance is uncanny."
"You may not believe this but Becky, daddy and my real mom appeared to me in a dream last night and said I definitely should do this. Becky said this would give her, as well as you, another chance at life."
"Sounds like wishful thinking to me." Aunt Jen said with a frown.
"Maybe, but its undeniable that I feel a hundred percent better this morning." Remembering Becky's pragmatism, I moved her breakfast tray to the table next to her saying, "Heck Jennifer, while you finish your breakfast I'll tell you what happened in Paris while I was there."
I'm sure in spite of her rational mind's objections, Jennifer just smiled at me as she picked up a piece of toast, "Ok, if you insist."
The last letter I received from Becky was posted hours before they were all killed - it was over thirty pages long. "The weather was great and we walked just about everywhere. Alexis and daddy have been here hundreds of times - you have too, haven't you?"
"Not hundreds dear, just forty or fifty - and once was on my honeymoon." She said and sipped her orange juice.
"Well we saw all the tourist things, like the Eiffel tower the Louvre and scads more...."
I continued for almost a half-hour, long after Jennifer had finished her tray. She looked animated quizzing me, like her old self. I had read all the books available on Paris in the school library in anticipation of my own trip in addition to Becky's letters, so she didn't stump me once.
Finally I asked, "May I call down for some breakfast myself, I came up here without eating."
"Yes dear, by all means do. If you don't mind I would like some more toast, and the fresh mixed fruit was particularly good this morning, perhaps some coffee, I haven't had any in ages."
I called the kitchen and ordered for Jennifer, and what Becky would have ordered, not the bacon, eggs and hash brown potatoes waiting on the stove that I was dying for.
Jennifer looked at me sharply, "You brought me roses, atoning in advance for a lie?"
"No atonement, I just thought your breakfast tray looked drab without them." I held out my hands, "See, I haven't lost my touch, not one thorn prick. I may be skirting reality a bit, but we both know what I am doing - and it is working for me, and for you, isn't it?"
"Yes. Yes it is!"
"While we are waiting, I didn't know your honeymoon was in Paris. Please tell me about it."
"Frankly I don't like to talk about it dear, the last few years of our marriage were very difficult for me."
"But your honeymoon wasn't, was it?
"No, but the later years tainted it."
"Nonsense, throw those bitter memories in the trash now, if we are to survive together, we must forget the bad things and take strength from the good memories. You don't think I like Alexis one little bit do you. She really fouled up Nicholas' and my lives, but on the good side daddy loved her and she really brightened up his life. He is gone now, and I am happy he enjoyed her while he could. Your life and mine are what we make of it from this day on."
I was surprised that came out, Becky and I hated boarding school, but from dad's point of view it wasn't a punishment. He had survived it himself; he was eight years in the same kind of colorless places we were put.
"Do you really think that way?"
"Yes, I really do, now tell me about your honeymoon - what did you wear that first night together?" Whoops, she is staring at my legs, why? You are wearing a skirt dummy, keep your legs together, and sit up straighter.
A glint of approval registered as I corrected my posture and then her eyes misted over with memories, "I haven't thought of that in years, it really was nice you know...."
We talked about everything, remembering Becky's letters I answered from her point of view whenever possible. I was thinking and talking to Jennifer as Becky now, not a few times her old sharpness surfaced, and she asked me questions about math and science. Becky's IQ was high, but languages were her gift and math and science gave her fits. Becky couldn't answer Jennifer's questions in a million years - but I decided to. Sometime during this exchange, a new light came into Jennifer's eye, and stayed.
My breakfast came with Jennifer's second and both were devoured, and a few hours later lunch met the same fate. After lunch I said, "This room is enough to cast gloom in anyone's heart, get dressed and let's blow this place, then call a interior decorator." It looked fine to me, but that just came flying out too - then I remembered Becky telling me that she hated this room's decor.
Jennifer looked around and said, "Your right, but Christ I look like absolute hell."
I joined her at the mirror, "Nothing that a few good meals and some exercise won't fix. Look, I'll start your bath and call Tina to help you."
She thought a few seconds, "No Becky, Tina is your friend, I will call Jody back after the holidays, I gave her paid leave to visit her family in California. In the meantime I would appreciate you helping me, you are Becky, aren't you?" She said with a twinkle of amusement in her eye.
Christ, looking at the way she perked up, I guess for now the answer was definitely yes. Then I remembered the pictures of Jennifer nude on the beach in Cannes, the ones we had snuck in and looked at as kids, and I realized it wasn't a big deal for her regardless.
"Absolutely, we are going to be a team together." With that we walked into the bathroom and she peed while I started her bath, somehow we kept chatting and I didn't blush - I think.
Remembering how Tina did me, I repeated the procedure for Jennifer's bath, I found that I enjoyed the process of caring for her in a totally asexual way, and even while I applied lotion all over her body, dickey snoozed without a twitch. I was even careful of my dress as Tina had been of hers last night, and I kept my touch very gentle, as if Jennifer had thorns.
Jennifer selected an outfit from her vast closet and asked my opinion. I shook my head saying, "No way, too drab!" After looking, laughing, and bickering over dozens of candidates, we agreed on a bright cheery red dress, its print even suggested thanksgiving.
She dressed herself with my helping with the hooks and zipper, and then she applied her makeup in nothing flat. I realized I had a lot to learn from this lady, and at the time, I had no real idea of the depth of her intellect and complexities of personality. I checked myself in the mirror and decided I needed to touchup my lipstick and had to pee - but not in that order.
She was still shaky from the effective forty day fast, so I held her arm until she was seated in the downstairs sun porch. It was a clear, cold, and sunny November day, and the heated glassed in porch was quite pleasant.
Excusing myself, I quickly ran upstairs to my room, Tina was reading, but she put the book down and came into the bathroom with me. *Christ lady, I got to whip it out and pee really bad.* Instead she showed me how to hike up my slip and skirt forward so as not to let them get wet from the plumbing and to pull down my panties and hold them with my thighs so they didn't get wet on the floor.
She admitted, "This floor is so clean that you could eat off it, but you must practice for public rest rooms, which are often a disgrace."
Then with a big grin, she insisted on holding dickey down for me so he would squirt into the bowl, while I held my skirt up. She asked me stand while still holding my skirts up, she playfully washed, and dried dickey, powdered him, and then pulled my panties up, altogether a very pleasant. I brushed my teeth and we kissed, our tongues probing lightly for a minute, then I did my lipstick, powdered my nose at Tina's suggestion and she touched up my mascara. I quickly summarized the events of morning, and went downstairs to rejoin Jennifer.
Chapter 7 - The Test
After all, the ultimate goal of all research is not objectivity, but truth.
Helene Deutsch (1884-1982)
Lying in bed early Friday morning, I reflected that the week had passed quickly; I was Becky full time and found that I liked that very much. In all honestly, I asked myself, did I like being Becky? Or did I like the constant expert attention of Tina? After all, two or three expertly delivered orgasms each day with the girl of your dreams, is a damn nice side benefit in any boy's book. The truthful answer was that I liked both a whole lot, however the question bugging me was whether I liked being Becky enough to make it a long-term thing, and I hadn't thought that all through yet. And yesterday's test hadn't made being female very attractive.
Although Jennifer was still painfully thin, feeling dizzy frequently, she was definitely on her game - her mind was as sharp or sharper then ever. Sunday through Wednesday in addition to my tending her bath, and whatever else came to mind, we spent several hours each day together going over the backlog of papers from work. Prior to our working together she hadn't even looked at the papers sent home for her consideration, they just accumulated over the past weeks of her depression. I read everything with her and we discussed most points at length, at the time, she said discussing them with me helped crystallized the issues it in her mind. I enjoyed working with her immensely, it exercised previously unused parts of my mind, and she actually gave weight to my opinions.
Typically everybody was asked to dress for Thanksgiving dinner including all the staff, Chef Robert and his two assistants were the only exemption, the marvelous selection of food was brought to the table family style and simply passed around. The entire staff and their families were there as Jennifer handed out the holiday bonuses by tradition after the meal.
Jennifer specifically requested Tina and I wear the equivalent of ball gowns that we would find in the attic. It took us over two hours to dress - beauty took time and preparation I was finding out, boy was I finding that out.
Just to give you an idea, Wednesday morning we brought the gowns down from one of the large cedar closets in the attic. We aired them and discovered they were over a hundred years old - and had impossibly tiny waists. We found hourglass corsets in boxes under the dresses and a half dozen layered petticoats for each dress hanging next to them.
Jennifer brought us antique jewelry in plush boxes to wear with the outfits, but was little help except to suggest that I run to the mall and get my ears pierced, the matching jewelry required it. Tina drove, in my mind's background I was trying to figure out how I was going to explain two pierced ears to my buddies at school on Monday. Tina was discussing how we would be able to dress each other tomorrow - she saw it as a test for her too.
None of the several pair of high button shoes stored with the dresses would fit either of us, so we hit a boot store before the Piercing Pagoda. Tina didn't think our shoes would be visible under the skirts, but we bought a pair of boots each that resembled high button shoes anyway, the only problem was that they had three-inch heels, and I still stumbled occasionally on two-inch heels.
Then I got my ears pierced, Tina was a little malicious when she said, "and we only do it because men like us to have jewelry dangling from our pierced ears, they think it's very sexy."
Patently half false, clearly women wear jewelry because they like it, but I didn't argue the point with her.
We stopped at a bra store specializing in reconstructive silicon breast forms, and picked up two bras for my every day use and two stand-alone silicon pads for tomorrow. The tab was twelve hundred dollars on Jennifer's American Express. I wore a new bra home and was amazed how real my breasts looked and felt. Tina experimented in the store's dressing room, and depending how they were squeezed it felt like my breast was being directly manipulated. It was very erotic to stand in front of the mirror and watch her touch my breasts through my blouse; it felt almost like they were real. I found that a correctly fitted bra was almost a pleasure to wear, and the weight of the breast forms encouraged me to stand and sit with my shoulders back. Tina pointed out my posture was now just like hers, I liked that and resolved to keep it that way. Jennifer noticed the bra's effect immediately, and commented that it was money well spent, then she kissed each of my pierced ears saying, "I love you, Becky" in each ear.
Thanksgiving morning found us first applying evening makeup. Then with the room freezing from an open window, so we wouldn't begin perspiring from the exertion of lacing each other to an impossible waist size. We wore a loose fitting long silk slip first, then the corset over it. Surprisingly mine was the easier fight to lace small enough, unfortunately that meant I was to be laced in it minutes longer. In the boots too, as neither of us would be able to bend zip our boots once the corsets were laced. We thought of asking Mrs. Hammer for help, but decided that would be admitting defeat.
Once laced in we donned one petticoat after another, and then put the stiff satin gowns on over our heads - desperately trying to not mess up our makeup. Even the long sleeves fought us; they fit like a second skin, without the benefit of modern elastic materials. Finally all the little buttons down the back of the gowns were fastened, a task made easier with a hook packed with the corsets. There was absolutely no way to dress, or undress, in these outfits unaided.
Finally! We were dressed, quite lovely actually; even I felt like a princess, I really did. Laughing, we curtsied to one another and twirled before the mirrors, in the mirror it was clear the dresses were several inches too short, Tina remarked, "The girls these were made for must have been short. Good thing we got these boots, it looks like we planned it this way."
After a while, the tight garments settled, but neither of us could take a deep breath.
After we fussed with each other's hair and jewelry Tina said, "Damn Becky, I really have to pee bad."
"Now that you mention it, so do I, how?"
It's a simple thing to do you say? Once in the bathroom, we realized the toilet was out with the volume of our stiff skirts and bustle.
"Er, I don't think this will work. I guess we will have to take some of this stuff off."
"No way, by the time we get it back on I'll have to pee again."
I said half in jest, "What we need is a pot to pee in."
We settled for a tall flower vase. We took turns holding the vase under the skirt and petticoats of the one standing on a chair. It was a good thing I had spent so much time kissing Tina's pussy, because last week at this time, standing in darkness under the mass of petticoats, I wouldn't have had a clue where to hold it. It was easy for her, and we laughed and joked about the differences. The laughing stopped when she milked dickey while I stood on the chair looking in the mirror. It was so erotic, so utterly wonderful. When she finished me, I had her stand back on the chair and very gently brought her to organism. We both used a washcloth on the other, and dried and powered too, before pulling up the others panties. We kissed for a long time after, and for the first time Tina told me that she loved me - my heart ran wild, she loves me! And Christ, just look at me!
As we touched up our makeup and hair we began laughing and joking again, but we both knew nothing would ever be the same.
The next challenge was the stairs, I remembered with dread that it was a dual curved staircase with a lot of steps. From the top I counted, there were twenty, and our high heel boots were completely hidden from view, lifting our skirts didn't help us to see the steps either. Tina whispered, "I have gotten down these stairs in a long full skirt and heels before, but nothing like this."
Jennifer picked that moment to appear at he foot of the stairs, calling "Come everybody, our princesses have arrived."
"Shit." Tina whispered to me as the crowd gathered, "Look, lift up your skirt like this, find the edge of the step with your heel, and step down slowly. If you fall just relax and pray. Remember no matter how we feel, we must smile from now on and talk wittily at dinner, or all this is wasted effort." Standing close to each other, we found the first step (the most difficult) and slowly walked down. I held the banister and Tina held my arm, I was counting softly as we went... eighteen, nineteen, and twenty. Jennifer gave us each a hug.
The test wasn't over; we were to find that it was just starting. At the table all we could do was sit on the forward half of our chairs least the bustles be crushed, for an hour and a half, backs straight without the support of a backrest. The only good thing was that there was no way I could slouch. Fully made up and sitting so straight eating was a task, take only a very small fork full, no sauce dripping, don't drop anything on my bosom, chew thoroughly. Bread, break into tiny morsels and butter, be dainty, besides with the pressure on our tummies we could eat very little trussed as we were. No wonder girls were always fainting back then, but how the heck did they get old and fat?
Through it all, neither of us stopped smiling and responding wittily to the table talk. Finally, finally the meal was over. After we bid goodbye to all the nonresident guests, and all the envelopes were handed out, Tina, Jennifer, and I retired to the preacher's parlor for formal coffee. All Tina and I wanted to do was to get out of these restricting dresses, but Jennifer had another idea.
Jennifer smiled and ever so sweetly and asked me, "Becky dear, would you mind summarizing my work? You know dear, the papers we went over earlier in the week."
Much to Tina's discomfort, I spent the next three hours organizing and presenting the necessary information from memory. Jennifer would interrupt to ask questions and make comments, but it was my show. Sitting there answering was easier for me as I was concentrating so hard I forgot all about my discomfort. I didn't realize it at the time, but after the first hour Jennifer was watching Tina closely, especially Tina's expression as she watched me.
When I reached 'the bottom of the pile' Jennifer said simply, "Very impressive Becky, amazing actually. You girls must be tired, run along to bed."
I had been sitting in one position for so long, that I literally couldn't stand until Tina helped me to my feet. Upstairs we lost no time undressing each other and peeing, after removing makeup we took a shower together. After drying each other, we rubbed lotion in until the mass of indentations, from the corsets bunching the silk of our undergarment, disappeared from our skin. We hung or folded everything and wearing one of Becky's nightgowns Tina crawled into bed with me, and we were asleep shortly after our heads hit the pillow.
Neither of us noticed Jennifer as she looked in about eleven, just before retiring. She smiled warmly at the two figures snuggled together. She was thinking, 'Not only have I regained a daughter, maybe two, but also I have found a truly worthy successor. It's ironic, last week at this time I was about to take my life. Now I must consolidate my ground.'
Chapter 8 - Seven AM, The Friday After Thanksgiving
One of the best ways to persuade others is with your ears-by listening to them.
Dean Rusk (1909-94)
Tina woke with a smile, my kiss was perfect, warm, and utterly arousing, but Tina said, "I have to pee real bad lover."
"So do I, I just like to be with you when you do, so I waited."
When we arrived at the toilet Tina asked, "Whose first?"
"Let's do it together, you sit, I have the hose."
We faced each other over the bowl and after a little moving around; we peed simultaneously while laughing and hugging each other. We washed and powdered each other and brushed our teeth, kissing lightly several times more to enjoy our fresh breath.
Back in bed in fresh nightgowns, we settled into the lovingly familiar sixty-nine position, after thoroughly stimulating each other's bodies, breasts, and necks. A half-hour later, we gave each other a bath, dressed and arrived in the breakfast room ravenous.
"Yes this is Compact, I would like to speak to Goodman."
"He won't be in today, if its urgent I can contact him at home and have him call you."
"It is, please do, what is your name please."
"Thank you Cherry, have a pleasant day."
Every CEO of a major corporation needs a jack of all trades, but most of all plausible deniability. Charlie Marsh, AKA Goodman, was all of that and more to Jennifer.
A few minutes later her phone rang, "I'm here."
"I need several things done and I need some information."
"I'll fax it to you one-twenty-eight bit encoded."
"I'll be waiting."
Within ten minutes Jennifer made a four-page list on her computer, checked it, and sent it off. An hour later, her WinFax program's chime rang and she got up to read it.
It too was several pages long, among other things it said, "Doctor Sandra West Peters, Fort Lee, NJ (formally Doctor Harry West Peters) and a telephone number." Plus the message, "document changes are being planned, call me when you want them activated." Jennifer memorized the document and wipe erased it and her original fax from the computer. She called Charlie back and said, "I agree, five million to start and fifteen more if my goals are met. Start the paperwork, expense is not a consideration, success is."
"I understand. Anything else?"
"Are you sure about Paris?"
"Yes, my source is very reliable. It was not a random event, but exactly as I stated."
"No getting around it now, I will take your advice."
"Good, I'm relieved. Anything else?"
"Yes, I want a support infrastructure for Becky established, once my intentions are suspected she might well become a target. Keep it lighter than you did for Nicholas, I don't want to attract attention to her. As it is, when they find out he is dead, maybe the attempts will stop."
"I agree, how about the other girl? T something?"
"I'll make all the arrangements, you sound much better."
"I am, Becky has made all the difference."
"Is the other thing really necessary then?"
"You know how I feel about succession, and you know why."
"It's medieval you know, but you better make sure it's right for her, otherwise it could backfire terribly on you."
"I will make sure, after all I love her, and she is all I have left of my own blood."
"Please consider this action very carefully, we aren't all that way you know."
"I know, but I won't take the chance with so much at stake."
Jennifer considered calling Becky for her bath, but decided she had passed that test too, and reluctantly missing Becky's soft touch, took a shower.
Chapter 9 - The Surface Realities of My Situation
In an age of synthetic images and synthetic emotions, the chances of an accidental encounter with reality are remote indeed.
Serge Daney (1944-92)
Jennifer joined us late for lunch, indicating Tina should stay with us. As we were getting up from the table Jennifer casually asked, "Tina dear, would you mind if I took a drive alone with Becky this afternoon?"
"No, not at all."
"Becky, would you enjoy a drive?"
"Certainly, Tina and I were going to the mall, but that can wait. Is this dress ok?"
"Yes its lovely, I have to powder my nose - see you at the front door in fifteen minutes?"
I went up with Tina and tended nature not knowing how long we would be, as I hadn't used a public ladies room yet, and wasn't anxious to either. I washed and dried dickey, finishing with a little powder before pulling my panties up. I asked Tina, "Is this what girls mean when the say, 'Lets powder our nose?'"
She cracked up saying, "I never thought of it that way, now I won't be able to stop."
It was just such a nice practice, ever so much nicer that putting it back wet and dripping. While I was doing that, Tina was checking to make sure I had all that I needed in my purse. I touched up my makeup myself while Tina smiled at me approvingly, we kissed, and I headed down to the front door.
Jennifer met me a moment later and we entered the limo. Giles must have been instructed on our destination as he drove off without a word. Jennifer closed the smoked window between him and us and turned to me.
"Becky darling I'm feeling ever so much better, having you with me is the best tonic I could have, but have you thought of the ramifications your present role?"
"In all honesty, probably not very thoroughly."
"Selfishly I would keep you with me as Becky, just as you are now forever, but I'm not sure you are old enough to make such a decision for yourself, especially after only a week. If you don't mind I will be very frank with you about the choices ahead."
I nodded affirmatively and she continued, "However, first I want to take one biasing element out of the picture. I know you hate going to boarding school, and I hated sending you. Robert and I saw eye to eye on almost everything, but we had had many crosswords over Alexis's demands regarding Nicholas and you. I want you to know that whatever your decision today, if you want, you can stay in my home and go to school locally - whether you chose to go as Nicholas or Becky."
"I appreciate that, and thank you, it means a lot to me to stay with you."
"That off the table, before we go further what is your inclination now?"
"I don't know what kind of a person this makes me, but impersonating Becky makes me feel good and I'm enjoying the experience. Not only do I like how I look and feel, but I love being so close to you and being treated like an equal, I can't tell you how stimulating going over your work with you was to me. I can learn so much from you; I'm really psyched. Tina and I hit it off fantastically, I don't know if you can tell, but we are best friends now."
"I noticed," she said dryly, "Have you two had sex together?"
Wow, that's a below the belt question. Shit. "Before I answer that question fully, you won't be mean to her will you?"
"No, I couldn't be mean to her, not with what she's been through."
"I don't know exactly how to put this, as before last Friday I had no sexual experience whatsoever, just locker room talk that even I knew was mostly bull. Tina and I have incredibly gentle sex, she tells me it's like two girls making love. Honestly, now I wouldn't want it any other way."
"Have either of you climaxed?"
"Yes, both of us have."
"Is that why you are inclined to stay as Becky?"
"No, I think I have separated the two in my mind, when I consider staying Becky it just seems right to me, almost like its my destiny." I laughed, "I don't think I would make the same decision in the 1890's though!"
"Frankly if given a choice neither would I, when I reached seventeen my mother gave me the same test I gave you and Tina yesterday, and you two handled it with far more grace and good cheer than I. You two pulled off the roles of cultured young ladies perfectly; that was what prompted me to have this little chat with you. Had you ever practiced with Becky, had you exchanged rolls before?"
"No, absolutely not. It never occurred to either of us to do such a thing;
but we did exchange all our experiences, and rejoiced in their diversity.
Tina is very perceptive, she recognized you have a bias against men because of Mike's duplicity. She suggested to me that this might work; I wouldn't have done it if she hadn't convinced me I could help you as Becky, as I couldn't as Nicholas. However, I want you to know that am very glad that she that did.
I can tell you that Tina really loves you. She was really and truly worried about you, not one bit less than Becky or Nicola would have been, and she was at wits end - grasping at straws."
"Amazing, last week in my depression I didn't think anybody really cared for me."
"Everybody cares, on the ride back from school Giles was practically in tears with worry for you. Ask him, you will see."
"Its not necessary dear, I believe you. Knowing I'm ever so much better now, do you still want to remain as Becky?"
I could swear I heard Becky say deep in my head, "Yes." After a long minute I said, "Yes, I think I really do."
"I made an appointment with a doctor today, she specializes in gender adjustments, mainly to get a professional opinion in the matter."
"That's a wise idea Jennifer, I really don't know what's involved, thank you."
The doctors office turned out to be a large private clinic, I found out later it had a half-dozen or so rooms for patients and an around the clock staff. The nurse that met us said, "Come dear, I must draw a little blood." To my look of dismay she replied, "I'm very good at this, you won't feel a thing. What's your name dear?"
I sat down at a student's desk with a fold down arm on each side, and she prepared to draw some blood.
"Rebecca Marie Hayes, but everybody calls me Becky." She took the blood. "Wow you are good, I hardly felt a thing."
"See? Becky, my name is June and I'm glad to meet you, please take this cup in that little room and make me a sample."
I was pleased Tina had sent some antibacterial wipes and powder in my purse, when I came out I gave the sample to June. "I'll bring you back to your mother and get these analyzed. Doctor Peters will be with you shortly."
It turned out to be a good half-hour, Jennifer and I spent the time talking about her work, and it was plain she was eager to get back to it. Out of the blue she asked me, "Becky darling, how has your schoolwork been going this year with all the upset?"
"Please understand, I'm not bragging, but the work in school is really dumbed down. I read all my texts the first week I was back, and hardly opened them since - heck I never got below a ninety-five on any quiz, test, or report the whole time I was enrolled in that dingy place!"
"I believe you. You demonstrated that unbelievable intellectual tour de force after dinner yesterday. What amazed me was that it was not just a complete regurgitation of what we had discussed, but also a well-organized insightful analysis. No one I have working for me could do that, that is not flattery, that is a fact."
Just then, June led us back to Dr. Peters' office. The office was large, bright with several modern paintings on the walls, there was a large screen computer on her desk, but very few of the books I had come to associate with doctor's offices. "I'm Dr. Sandra Peters, pleased to meet you Mrs. Hayes-Ravlon, and this is Becky - or has June mixed up this blood-work." She said smiling at me.
I smiled back, "No Dr. Peters, I prefer to be called Becky, and by the way June was exceptionally gentle and painless drawing my blood."
Smiling, "So she is always telling me, but please call me Sandra. Your mother was telling me you have decided to live as your dead sister. Is that correct?"
"I hadn't thought of it in such stark terms, but yes, that's correct."
"It seems to feel right, I enjoy my sister's role, and I believe she would be pleased I chose it." I didn't want to air Jennifer's linen in public, besides my logic teachers always said 'keep it simple.'
"Well I must say, if your blood work didn't show otherwise, I would have no doubt you were a young lady. I ask that you keep this between us, but I was born male, and until a few years ago, my name was Harry. I say this so that you understand, that I understand exactly where you are coming from."
I very much doubted that, and I hate to say it, but she was a very masculine Sandra, however I said, "I find that hard to believe."
She shook her head and smiled ruefully, "No you don't, but that's because I waited too long, if I had started at your age I would have been a much nicer looking woman. If you notice my voice is very deep, once a voice changes it is very difficult for many, including me, to speak as a natural female. Another thing, once your beard grows it's a bear to lose, and that is much better nipped in the bud. You are fifteen now, have you had sex with a man or woman leading to ejaculation?"
Damn she is blunt, "Yes, only with a girl, several times very recently."
"And you still want to be a girl?" She asked showing disbelief.
"Yes, I just don't want to loose dickey, I mean my penis" as my face turned cherry red.
"Well many of us choose that alternative, for myself I gladly had it all removed and a realistic vagina made, I've been happily married to the same man for several years now. Regardless, such a decision is months if nor years away. What we must decide today is whether to start hormone therapy. The urgency is that in your case puberty is overdue. At your age, it can't be far away after you begin to ejaculate while having sex, besides very high levels of testosterone are already circulating in your blood. You could begin changing any day now. Becky, do you understand what I just said?"
"Yes, if I don't start taking female hormones immediately, the testosterone in my blood will force male changes on my body that can't be reversed. My question is, will the female hormones needed to counteract testosterone's effect also be irreversible?"
"Normally no, in fact your ability to have organisms will continue, however to an unpredictable extent the urgency of desire for sex may abate. I would expect that if you stay on female hormones a matter of months your breasts will begin to bud, your skin will soften and your hips will develop. The hormones also tend to retard hair growth on the face and body. Your voice will not become deeper unless that change is already well underway."
"That sounds like what I am looking for, some breathing room to be absolutely sure this is what I want. Are there any statically significant nasty side effects I must consider in my choice to proceed?"
"Yes, there are several. Your chances for breast and other lymphatic cancers approach the risk levels a natural woman might expect. In a few percent of cases, the male testes develop an adverse reaction to the female hormones, and very occasionally, the gonads must be surgically removed.
There will be emotional changes as well, at this point, I can't tell if yours will be insignificant or will require psychiatric treatment. You should be aware that I will not start you on a course of treatments, unless, both you and your mother, agree beforehand to see me and any other doctors I may recommend on a schedule I set up. Initially I will see you every week, then more or less frequently, as I deem fit. If at any time you have a problem you must promise to call or come in, the clinic is open at all times, and Jack says I'm a workaholic."
"My I speak briefly with my mother?"
"Certainly, please stay here I'll be back in a few minutes."
When she closed the door behind her I turned to Jennifer, "Jennifer, what do you think?"
Typically, as I was finding out, she answered my question with a question on another subject, "Why didn't you correct her when she referred to me as your mother?"
I looked deeply into her eyes for several moments while I considered the wording for my answer, finally responding, "Because you are my mother! For my entire life you have been my mother in every way imaginable, except for the incident of biological birth."
Her eyes misted over and she said, "Thank you. Becky dearest, do you know you have the most beautifully expressive eyes I have ever seen? But to answer you question, she is the most competent doctor in her field I could find, I am perfectly comfortable with any decision you will make."
I sat quietly and thought very hard balancing the alternatives. I was ready when the doctor returned.
"Sandra I would like to proceed with the treatments, starting today if possible."
"Becky, for my own records I will need you to state your decision in your own hand writing, and please mention explicitly that this is your choice freely made. Mrs. Hayes-Ravlon, as Becky is a minor I have a stack of forms for you to sign."
That ritual over I went into the examining room, and blushing furiously I undressed in front of everyone to be examined. I was surprised that I was more upset loosing my breasts in public, then I was with exposing dickey with jewelry, my face made up, and my nails painted. I received the most through examination of my life, including Jennifer helping me with a semen sample. Christ, none of the women in my life seemed to have the slightest hesitancy helping me with that.
After the exam, Sandra looked over the results of my blood work saying, "I will give you two shots today and some pills that I want you to take twice a day. I will see you next Friday without fail, is that clear?" She waited until we both said yes and gave me the shots. 'Ooww, one in each cheek, next time bring in Nurse June,' I thought.
Jennifer left to pay and I dressed as Sandra watched, she nodded approvingly and gave me the two bottles of pills June brought in, putting them in my purse I joined Jennifer in the waiting room just as she finished writing a check. What I couldn't know at the time was that a charitable foundation controlled by 'Hayes Holding,' had just donated five million dollars to the charitable foundation, whose sole recipient was this clinic.
Back in the limo Jennifer said, "Darling, if you don't mind I would like to formally adopt you. Do you mind?"
Looking directly at her I said, "Heck no! I would love that, I'm proud and honored to be formally your child."
"That brings up another point, I am advised that it is possible that records were mixed up and the French police believe Nicholas was actually killed by the bomb. There was very little remaining as the terrorists used a particularly vicious firebomb. Shall we let the error stand?"
'Do I want to loose my identity, and legally adopt Becky's? That's exactly what you are asking.' I thought, after a minute I replied, "Yes I do, that is a neat solution. But how about school, I was there the past six weeks."
"No you weren't dear, don't you remember you were grieving with me at home. I'm sure the Rector and his records will agree after a suitable donation."
I smiled, "No doubt." Then I continued more seriously, "I really wish that I had been with you, you went through hell alone. If I had known I never would have stayed away."
"I'm regaining my strength now as you came back just in time, but lets consider school again. Do you think you could skip and pick up as a senior in Nicola's school? I believe the head mistress will give you the required tests."
"Yes, I believe I can. However I would like a stiffer curriculum than Nicola's, no offence, she was a wonderful and warm person, but she really didn't like to study very much."
"That will be totally satisfactory. I would push for direct entry into college, you are capable of it, but I think you need a little more time associating with girls near your own age. The experience of dealing effectively with women, as a woman, really can't be learned from a book. But I will help you, remember come to me with everything - I promise to help you when needed, and you can't shock me." After jerking me off in the doctor's office, I had no doubt.
As we were getting out of the limo Jennifer said, "Becky, please wait just a minute before you go in. Why don't you ask Tina if she would like to move into your room? I'm sure the bed is big enough for the two of you." She said with a knowing wink, "I know there are a lot of old clothes in the closet you will never wear again that should be donated, there will be room for both of your things. You are a senior now, and after all, you need new things. Of course Tina must agree freely, and please don't put the slightest pressure on her."
"I understand, and I wouldn't do that. I will be very careful how I ask her."
Chapter 10 - The Question
An engaged woman is always more agreeable than a disengaged. She is satisfied with herself. Her cares are over, and she feels that she may exert all her powers of pleasing without suspicion. All is safe with a lady engaged; no harm can be done.
Jane Austen (1775-1817)
I didn't ask Tina that night, instead I answered all her questions about the day while she bathed me and did my hair. She seemed very pleased with my decision and we spent a long time making love, I fell asleep and she must have returned to her room.
***I know because Becky visited and told me I was doing all the right things, and to bring a ring or something nice when I asked Tina to share my room. It was after Becky walked back into the portal that I noticed Tina had left my bed.***
However, I was awakened in the morning with her sweet smelling lips on mine.
After showering and dressing, we headed for the mall with her driving. I had my first appointment to get my hair and nails done, and we planned to pick up new shoes and a few new outfits appropriate for a senior. I thought with resignation, and some of the school uniforms I must wear four days each week. My thought processes were decidedly female these days, a week ago I thought any uniform was just fine, especially one without a necktie. Seeing my distaste Tina said, "Don't worry, I'll show you tricks and you won't look like a carbon copy."
My hair was colored to Becky's exact shade and I was given a perm, I decided to let it grow longer as I had picked out a style from a book, and wanted my hair to grow into it. Diane and Tina agreed that it was perfect for me, so she ripped out the page, and inserted it in the folder she kept for Becky.
I thought about nail tips, actually, Lydia the manicurist suggested it, but Tina requested that I wait for a special occasion. When we were alone, she whispered that I needed more experience living with my natural nails as they grew, and I had to agree.
Becky had described the whole process to me in detail several times, and told me exactly how it felt. At the time, I marveled at her patience while being fussed over; personally, I always hated the barbershop, and chose the fastest haircut possible. But now I found this whole experience enjoyable and was taking a real interest in my appearance - after all I was using Becky's good name and I didn't want to embarrass her.
I was finding that I really knew quite a bit about being a girl from having shared so much with Becky, I couldn't help wondering how she would do if positions were reversed. It would have been very hard for her I concluded, requiring her to be much more competitive and athletic, after all, for my size I excelled in many sports. Living as a girl required from me an attitude change, a shift in focus to the details of how I did everything.
Tina was finished first and left the Beauty Parlor to scout for things in order to save time. I was done a few minutes later and used the time alone to buy the two rings that I had discussed with Jennifer before I left home. I purchased them with the charge card she had given me.
We had lunch at the mall and then 'Shopped 'til we dropped' as the mall advertisements advised. But on the way home, I suggested supper at a restaurant Jennifer had mentioned. We pulled in, and after we were seated I casually asked, "We almost starved to death on Thanksgiving, but it was fun being sisters, wasn't it?"
"Yes, how about the use we put to the flower vase."
"I think they are growing faster, I swear the are - we should patent it."
"Silly, they are silk flowers."
"All the more reason to patent the process." I paused and then blurted out, "Say, would like to share my room from now on?"
She looked longingly and said, "I'd love to, but what will Jennifer think?"
"Are you sure, sure that you would like to stay with me I mean?"
"Becky I love you, it hurts me to leave you at night, it makes me feel like something I don't want to be."
"Its ok if you move in, I asked Jennifer before we left, she said yes - but only if you really want to."
"I really do."
"Then I have a present for you," and I gave her one of the two diamond friendship rings and put it on her ring finger.
She looked at me and put the other on my finger saying, "Does this mean what I think it means?"
"To death do us part?"
"God, I really hope so, but definitely not soon." She replied kissing my hand, and I hers.
So ended my first week as a girl - Jennifer back in good spirits, no more boarding school, I got the most beautiful girl in the world to live with me, and talked to Becky, mom and dad - pretty damn good week, I'd say.
Chapter 11 - Accepted Into a New School?
To make oneself an object, to make oneself passive, is a very different thing from being a passive object.
Simone de Beauvoir (1908-86)
It was my forth Monday as Becky when I met, Ms. Sandra Welch, the head mistress of Nicola's school, The Academy (formally The Northvale Academy for Girls.) It was a difficult meeting, as she clearly didn't think my record from St. Mary's warranted advancement to senior status. I stuck with the story Jennifer and I had agreed on, that was while at St. Mary's I was homesick (very true, Becky often was, I remembered all the tear marks in her letters) and I couldn't do anything like my best work (true, she made little effort.)
After Ms. Welch had stated all her arguments, I played what I hoped was a trump card. During the previous three weeks, I had read all the textbooks as well as every book on the school's reading list, and I noticed a distinct radical feminist bent. I had discussed it with Jennifer, she personally thought the view was largely counterproductive, but while I was The Academy, I might be wise to cloak myself in it.
"Look I don't know how you feel about these things, but I got myself in deep snow with my views. One of the nuns deliberately lowered key test grades in my record for spite (true.) She told me she did it because I was a godless (actually lazy) troublemaker. I learned my lesson after that, but the damage had been done. My grades were only as good as they were, because I bit my tongue and shut up. Still I was labeled."
"And what views were they?"
"I'll list them, tell me when to stop. A woman butt isn't necessarily behind her husband in the home, its anywhere she can get it, and damn well wants it to stay. Birth control is only common sense. Abortion shouldn't be the first choice, but it damn well has its place. Lifestyles like lesbians (she lived with a girl my hairdresser had told me) and homosexuals are ok if that's your thing, it's a free country, or should be. Women are...."
"Wait! Yes I see what you mean, it was a Catholic school wasn't it."
"Saint Mary's? Run by the Sisters of St. Joseph? You have to be kidding. Look, give me a chance and start testing, if I'm full of it you will know soon enough."
"Correction, Jennifer is my mother, she brought me up in her house from a few days old infant. She nursed my brother and I equally with Nicola, I didn't live two months in total with Alicia during the six years she was my stepmother and my biological mother died minutes after I was born. Besides she legally adopted me."
She smiled, "Your mother argued persuasively for me to test you, so be it. When do you want to start?"
"No time like the present."
She threw me a curve ball, as she was prepared to test me all along. The first test was a comprehensive IQ test, followed by a personality/aptitude profile battery of tests. Steeped as I was in feminism, I let it show, and hoped the personality profile wouldn't unmask me; I really held a dim view of radical feminism. Tuesday I took the full suite of P/SATS. Wednesday started all the junior year finals given last year in almost every subject, four or five a day. A different teacher for most subject(s) administered the tests;
and they all made a point of speaking to me for fifteen or twenty minutes about their subject.
Late Friday afternoon I finished and left the school without seeing Ms. Welch. I called home and asked Tina to pick me up before leaving the building.
Part I & II & III & IV & V